best of times. Trying to internet date in Darwin means literally putting 'No bogan pig hunters' on your profile introduction, and hoping for the best.
I've always been pretty happy to go on at least one date with someone so I agreed. He wasn't bad looking and he seemed to know the difference between there, their and they're.
He suggested a pub and I got there first. As I was sitting, waiting, I was scanning other people in the area and trying to see him before he saw me. He walked in and said hi. I said hi back.
What I should have said was: "why the fuck are you wearing a beanie in Darwin?"
He had suggested the pub because it had good food. I was pretty excited about that, but as a waitress walked past with an average looking steak on a plate and he muttered
"mmm, smell those chips!" I began to realise that he didn't actually mean GOOD food.
Ok. Ok. I'm a snob. But he was just being such a bogan.
to keep it contained. It was weird. The conversation was boring. I don't think he asked me a single question about myself and I was trying to think up reasons to leave. Then he started talking about how he wants to go pig hunting and I was just like.... that's it. I'm out.
Like, come on...I've actually put fucking effort into this date. I have dressed up and come
out and am asking you questions and trying to be funny, and you've rocked up wearing a fucking beanie and are trying to have a conversation with me about pig hunting. WHEN I WAS SO SPECIFIC!!! I LITERALLY COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MORE SPECIFIC.
So I left. And then when I walked outside there was a man lying beside my car, in the gutter with his pants down by his ankles, so drunk that he was frothing at the mouth. So I rolled
him over, called 000 and sat by him until the ambulance arrived.
Ah... Darwin.
lol
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