WTF August

The beginning of this post:

Words I can never spell the first time correctly.

Diarrhoea.


There are others of course, but I realised this one when I was beginning my post below...

The REAL beginning of this post:

WTF August. Just be over already.

I don't know what it's been with this month. But seriously. Everyone seems to be having a breakdown, and I'm sure it's got nothing to do with private and personal life issues, but has something to do with the fact that this month. August 2012, is cursed.

Long term relationships breaking down left, right and centre, people dying, cats fighting, trains breaking down, depression, parents leaving to go to Russia, weight gain, diarrhoea (ey! Ey!) I'm convinced that my room is the exit to a worm hole which, on the other end, some hephalump is throwing clothes and books and general shit down, so no matter how much I clean, there is always not an ounce of floor space in my room for my feet to enjoy.

Seriously August. What are you trying to do to me?

A poetic interlude:

Here I have some advice

though I know you'll think twice

stick your tongue out and probably snigger.

But the moment you stop acting like such a dick

you'll find it will probably grow bigger

Back to the blog:

I've found myself having to be not only my own, but about 4 other people's therapist this month and so as a tribute to that time and energy, I'd like to immortalise some of the advice I have given myself and my patients. So that next time an August decides to descend on me and my friends, we can just head to this post and save ourselves a lot of time.

1. You are going to be okay. There will be more times in your life that you are happy and fulfilled than you've been sad right now.

2. Have you had any nutella yet?

3. Why do you still have coldplay on your itunes? Delete that shit. Also, Ed Sheeran and Adele. They're banished y'hear me? Banished.

4. Have you been bush dancing yet? If not. Why not.

5. Drink lots of tea. It is warm and soothing, and make you happy. But not too much dandelion tea. because that shit is a laxative.

So there you go. Elyse's top 5 tips for surviving a black month. Tried and tested remedies. You're all welcome. Just keep telling all the people you love that you love them (in a non creepy, stalker-ish way) and things will end up okay in the end.