My Nemesis: The Cat Tran

One of my most vivid memories of orientation week here at WCU, amidst the flurry of new colours and noises and people, was when an American girl who was helping out us internationals (her name's Lydia and she's lovely by the way) was giving us a tour and midway through pointed at a purple mini bus passing by and made a comment.

'Oh. That's the Cat Tran, or as we sometimes call it. The FAT Tran'

So, instantly, a highly scientific and detailed flow chart formed in my mind.

Cat Tran

= No walk

No walk

= Fat

Fat 

=Insulation

(From here we can go one of two ways)

Insulation in cold weather

= Good!

Insulation when returning to Australian Summer

= Bad

So I reached the conclusion:

Bad

= Cat Tran

Now, I live down in the village which is a little out of the way of the main buildings on campus.  I usually have to walk about a kilometre or so to get from my bed to breakfast/class/wherever and up until now I'd always kind of rejoiced in it. Like:

Yay! A guarenteed 2km walk every day. Imma gunna be fit like a BOSS when I get back'

I'd made a solemn vow to never, not even in the most extreme weather conditions, to EVER catch the Cat Tran (kinda like my vow to never eat at the Camden Maccas, but even MORE intense than that)

So, as the colder weather has crept in, the temptation has grown, especially when the timing is just so perfect and I leave my house to find the Cat Tran already there, just waiting, begging. Kinda like the Devil.

I'd resisted however, and would picture in my head to comfort myself as I walked how FAT all those FATTIES on the FAT Tran must be. Because I'm mature like that. 

In fact, I even conjure up humorous images to myself as I walk.

Notice how sad they all look? It's because they're FAT. Yeah. Suck it.

So.

This where the story takes a darker turn.

I had been filming a news story the previous night and had one one the t.v studio cameras with me. My dear friend Katy had so kindly dropped me home with this big, heavy thing the previous night but it had to be back by 9.30am the following morning.

In fact, I'm not even going to try and sugar coat this. It was this morning. Yeah. This happened. TODAY. 

So, I set my alarm for 8.30, going to leave the house and 9. It took me about 5 mins longer than it should have to navigate the stairs because I'd forgotten what a heavy, clunky mofo that damn thing actually is. It probably weighs about 9-10 kilos and only has a shoulder strap to carry it with. So, I'm not even out of my door yet, and I'm exhausted and already needing to see a chiropractor to get my spine realigned. I opened my front door while giving myself a little pep talk, saying things like:

'C'mon Elyse, This will be like, all the gym work you need to do for the next 3 days'

and

'Surely if I work out some sort of rotational system I will make it with both my shoulder blades still in place...'

And just as I've psyched myself up sufficiently and turned the epic trailer music up in my headphones...

I think I might be too ashamed to continue this narrative.

No. wait. it gets worse.

On the Cat Tran it was warm, and comfortable, and quick. I got where I needed to be 20 mins early and I wasn't sweaty and out of breath or particularly smelly (not always a certainty with me these days...).

And the people on it were all skinny.

So now. 

Now I don't quite know what to say.

I am left in such a state of confusion. My world and everything I knew in it is now as far from its original state as as slice of McDonalds cheese is from milk. I'm not really quite sure what to say or do anymore. 

I am literally just sitting silently in my room breathing heavily and blinking occasionally.

The Cat Tran has defeated me.