And then... the side you've chosen is usually expressed by the lights you choose to put around your house. It's a daunting time in life! Your amount of 'Christmas cheer' is about to be broadcast to all your family and friends whether you like it or not!! So... I've created a quick guide to assist in the process and help keep all our usual societal norms in check.
Stage 1. 'Grinchin'
What it says: 'Oh...what's that? The only time of the year that it's acceptable to be a complete dag and decorate our house in irrelevant lights?
NO.
I never participated in p.e. at school... I'll be damned if I start being a team player now. Screw you 'community'! Bah humbug'.
Stage 2. 'Minimum effort'
What it says: 'Oh god, everyone's gonna realise I'm a total jackass if I don't put SOMETHING up. I might just wrap some lights around the dumb palm tree I have outside my place a couple times. That should do it. By the way, i'm also really insecure (Or also, I'm just really old and I have about ten cats)'
Stage 3. 'The Happy Elf'
What it says: 'I'm going to be first to put my lights out this year... spread the christmas spirit!!! Oh, what's that? I also put some lights on the chimney for 'Santa'!! Ho! Ho! Ho! hahaha. Aren't I a classic!!?? I even bought some of those 'waterfall' lights this year!!! You know the ones!! They look like they're falling! But they're NOT!!!! WOW!!! CAN I POSSIBLY USE ENOUGH EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!?? I AM JUST SO EXCITED FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!'.
Stage 4: The Douche
What it says: 'I've spent way too long planning this. Unless my house can be seen from space I will regard this Christmas as a complete failure. Screw you 'light pollution regulation'. When Betty sees this she's going to regret leaving me for John from accounting for sure. My kids wish I paid this much attention to one single aspect of their lives. I won. I won the Christmas light competition. I am a WINNER'.
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