Being 'an Elyse'

I used to hate it when people asked me what I wanted to be. The question started popping up around year 10 in high school and has been unceasingly relentless all throughout my entire time at university. When I was younger I was so sure.
'I want to be the man who waves the flag for the trains to go!'
'I want to be a garbage truck man!'
'I want to be a horse!'

Then, when I got to a time when people actually wanted me to be 'serious'... I was stumped.

I've been thinking about all the students about to go into their HSC, and remember being in that position just a few years ago. Trying to sort through the mess of hormones, of stress, of social politics and societal pressures, to work out not only what I wanted to do, but what sort of person I wanted to be and how to get there.

And I'm still not sure I can give anyone an answer because I don't think there is an answer. For example, you can have all your chips perfectly in place, feel as though you've got the system worked out and your direction for the next 5 years are certain at least, and then you sit down to write a serious thought provoking blog post and realise you just sat on a hill of grass covered in duck-shit. For me at least, I'm never going to be that classy, gorgeous, slim woman who is not only sophisticated and smart, but funny and likeable and speaks 12 languages fluently, has millions of dollars and volunteers at the animal shelter 6 days a week, attending cocktail fundraisers for children with AIDS at night. I've got her tottering around in my head as the 'ideal' but even if somehow I reach a point close to her, by that point my 'ideal me' would have changed to something else.

And so I've decided with a contentness of 'being in the moment' and being more than okay with the idea of being an Elyse, exactly as I am now. So I'm not going to try to give any advice to people. I don't have any answers for you. But I do want to write here quickly what I think I've figured out for ME at this point in life. Feel free to dismiss or to take any of it on board. I'd be interested to read this back in 10 years and see if I still agree with myself

1. Work out who/what you don't want to be like.
Our identities are shaped as much by what we're not as by what we are. That is something I've been learning recently.

2. Whatever you practise doing, you will become.
I'm going to practise self restraint, because I currently have a bottle of nutella bigger than my head in my room, and I do not want to become obese.

3. No matter what you think is actually occurring right now, it's not.
At the risk of sounding like a hippy, the universe is infinite. The stories of everyone we interact with on a daily basis are impossibly complex. There is no way you have a full understanding of anything. ANYTHING. And so, with that in mind, suddenly everything seems a lot less stressful and a lot more acceptable. We're not meant  to understand. We're just meant to ride it out. Everything is just an experience. Enjoy it. And if you can't enjoy it, refer to (1) and learn from it.

4. All people are people. And people are the same everywhere.
We all want to be heard and acknowledged. We all want to be accepted and loved. We all want to live without fear for our survival. That's about it.
Everyone is equal, it is humans themselves who put labels and judgement on others. My job at BWS has been the biggest eye opener to me in this respect. 12 months ago I wouldn't have spared a second glance at the homeless guy drinking on the gutter. Now I'm on first name basis with several of them. And they're nice. They're funny. They're decent people, and when you ignore them they notice and are hurt by it.

5. Our bodies and minds are capable of incredible spirituality, and the ability to be incredibly mundane.
So chose which one you're going to be.
Don't be the girl on facebook 5 hours a day Elyse. Just don't.

6.  Don't be bullied into anything.
If there's only one thing we truly own it's our life choices. So to be bullied into anything, a course, a job, a religion, a relationship, an emotion... Work out what you can compromise on, and what belongs to you and you alone. And don't ever surrender that point.


I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of them right now. If you come up with any of your own that you live by, send them to me! Maybe I'll make another blog post about random life advice from strangers!