Life

Is it you? Or me? Or maybe it's all of us. Maybe we need to stop pretending that this is a story line to the next great Shakespearian play and realise this for what it is. This is it. The be all and end all. Life. How is yours going to end up? When are we going to realise that we will never be this exact age again? In this time, in this moment again? We can't just store it away to come back to it. It's going to be over one day. How is this only just hitting me now? Surely the universe didn't exist before I was born. Surely there will be international chaos in the event of my death. Right?

My life? I want my life to be this open adventure. This world of excitement and travel and possibilities. And maybe I'm just naive like that. Maybe one day in my travels I'll come across something I can't unsee, something I can't get over. And then I'll just want to hole up and find a warm pair of arms to entomb myself in for the rest of my days. But for the moment, I'm just plain inspired. The rose tint is not just covering my glasses, but is infused in my soul. Things are a mess, but I can change it. Life is unfair, but things work out. Everyone, and everything is inherently good. Somewhere along the way for some people, things went horrifically wrong. And some times, in the silence and solitude and loneliness that is night, I mourn for these people. Because I think God is mourning for them. But mostly its easy to just see smiles in the world. To only see twinkles in eyes and lovers holding hands. To see screaming children and admire the frazzled mothers who, even after only 3 hours sleep, can pick them up and rock them and sooth them with all the love in the world which they themselves might never even have had experienced. But it's in us all. Its instinctual.

I want to eat delicious food. And then I want to starve. Both for a little while. Just so I can know. Just so I can experience and discover. I want to eat disgusting things and vomit afterwards, just to say that I did so. God forbid I ever waste food, or eat it standing at the fridge. Food is the experience. Taste it. Combine the textures, the flavours. Give them names, make it a story. It'll be a tragic story in the end, but a story none the less.

Life is a story. That is all this is going to come down to I think. That's all we'll have in the end. I don't just want to type my story. I want it to be scrap booked and designed. I want pictures and paintings. I'll design the front cover and write the blurb. I'm going to sticky tape movie stubs and photos and music to the pages. You can do whatever the hell you want with yours. This one is mine. Sometimes I'm going to rip out pages and want to burn them. I hope I don't. I hope I stick them back in. So that one day, when I tell my story, someone will know what I went through. And they'll see the crinkles in the paper, know the pain, and be able to learn. Learn for their own lives. learn about me. I'm going to make up my own words and never apologise if you can't understand them. Sometimes you'll have to sound them out, and work out, just from the sounds of the letters, what I'm trying to say. Maybe you'll even have to lick them. Just to taste the experience. Smell the paper. Use all your senses. That's what this life is about. 

Remember to breathe deeply. Enjoy the taste of air, the taste of water, and the taste of chlorine as you bob underwater trying to have your little sister guess the words you are trying to say. Family is everything. Letting someone into your family (like a life partner) is the biggest, most important decision you will ever make in your life. That person needs to come first. Even before you. And there should be nothing they can say, nothing they can do to turn you from them. Thats why its important to chose carefully. Chose someone who would never, never deliberately hurt you. Because you're giving them all the power and opportunities to. 

This is what I've learned so far. This is what I believe. This is the cotton candy I have wrapped around my hands and try to stick to everything I touch. I'm in love with life, and my story so far. And it's so damn exciting to see where its going next and whose book its going to combine with.