Crazy little thing...

I'm tired of pretending. I am tired of hiding my true inner nature. It's been leaking out a little more frequently these past few years, and so those who have only known me recently, like Stef Sullivan, might say that I don't even try to hide it at all.

But here it is.

I am a corn factory.

No. Not that kind of corn. Although I do love that kind of corn too.

But I mean corny-ness corn. The type of corn which makes most people want to shrivel up and cringe and be like, 'no...you did not just say that...'

The type of corn which may make some people uncomfortable with being my friend.

Its time to come out and admit that this is me:

I just have a lot of feelings

When I'm happy, I don't want to just be happy, I want to be GUSHING WITH HAPPINESS!! I want to grab peoples hands and spin them around, and look in their faces with a big looney tunes smile and just be like

'I'm sooooooooooooooo happy about this!!!!'

When I'm sad I want to be picturesquely sad. I want to wrap myself in a furry blanket and sit on the floor in front of a roaring furnace (note to self, buy furnace), with my hands around a mug of hot cocoa and weep salty tears in streaks down my face.

Does that make you want to vomit a little bit inside your mouth?

Too bad! I LOVE that!!

(note: if this makes you uncomfortable you may want to stop reading now. It just gets worse)

In fact.

I love love.

There. It's out there.

In the 20 years of existence when I have sought NOTHING but knowledge *cough, cough* I have come to the conclusion that being in love, loving people and being loved yourself are among the best and most important experiences you can have in this world. I also feel that todays society has made a mess of love. Love often gets confused with lust. Love is belittled by the enormous amounts of pop songs and stories which get factory pumped out all year round. Twilight killed love (I'm sorry 13 year old Elyse. But creepily watching someone sleep and a downright obsession with being with someone is not love).

Love needs its name cleared.

I am here today, to stick up for love.

Love is not restricted.

If you love someone, you just love them. Not even in a romantic sense. I'm sick of having to stop myself from saying that I love someone. You know what? I love...no... I LOVE my friends. Society has not constructed a word which doesn't make me bisexual in an extremely open relationship for how much I love my friends. Does that make sense? As in, society can't understand how someone can love both their male and female friends with such intensity that it doesn't become romantic.

SOCIETY IS WRONG.

Like Laura, the only teenager I have ever know who treated (and still treats) her parents the way they're meant to be treated. As friends, who have feelings and opinions, who have life lessons and wisdom, and who can be best friends. Bron, my oldest most fabulous friend. Everything about us is just perfect. I couldn't design someone I need more in my life. James. You are the epitome of the perfect human being. I can't even describe how much I admire you. Joel. You're the brother I never had. You've stuck up for me, got punched out for me, made a fool of me, laughed with me, helped me, I just...gahhhhh

I love you. I love you all. I love you so much.

To my sisters. Sara. We don't always get on. But we don't have to. I'd do anything for you and I still worship you in the way only a younger sister can worship her older one. Danielle. I don't know anyone funnier and more untouched by the world. You are sunshine and ice cream and the cool side of the pillow in summer.

Stef. I have never enjoyed the company of one person so much for so long. I laugh So. Much. When we're together. Alyse. You are so creative and determined and independent. I love to just watch you work and talk and decide. Oscar. I can't even think of words to describe you Oscar. You are everything you should be at this point of your life. Anthony. You, in all 7 billion whatever people in this world, are in the top ten of my favourite people. You just ARE. I can't even describe it. Shaun. Again, up there in my top ten favourite people. You enter a dark room and there is instantly light. Bill. You are so much happiness and fun inside one body. Its stupid. I am so excited to see you soon.

And my darling Jilly. I am excited to watch you grow up. I am so proud to be a part of your life. I just love talking to you!!!

GOD THERE ARE SO MANY MORE I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE. WHY CAN'T I STOP WRITING IN CAPS LOCK!!??!!??

Like my fantastic cousins. All of you!!! Chris and Nee and Tom and Matt and Dave and Ben and Alex and Nick. You're just all hilarious! So talented and sporty. I love every minute we spend together.

And the girls! I just adore you all! Rosie, who is doing the same course as me and makes me laugh every single day, Lucy who has defied everyone who ever called her weird and kept being on weird anyway. You. Are. So. Fabulous. Lizzy, who wants to adopt every single animal in the world. Katie and Bernie who are so talented! I JUST LOVE YOU GUYS.

And then my amazing overseas friends

Like Scott who doesn't realise how rare it is to meet a person who redefines who you want yourself to be in life. If I ever become something half decent, a solid 80% of that was inspired by you. Or Olivia. You're so passionate and emotional. Its such a beautiful thing. We both need to stop apologising for being like that. Its so beautiful and god given. Jennie, my fabulous roommate who broadened my horizons. You are so Jennie that I can't believe it. The beautiful Corinna. My god. If everyone could be a little less themselves and a little more Corinna then the world would be a much better place. Her partner in crime Carrie-anne. My god. If everyone was a little more like Carrie-anne and a little less themselves, this would be a much more terrifying world. You are crazy girl!Then there's my beautiful friend Katy. Finding her true strength in such a shitty time. And just...rising above it all in such an impressive form. Ric. You're so loveable, so stubborn, so easy to share banter with. Too easy to miss. I hate you for that. Trevor. All that I learned from you is invaluable and you've left a definable inprint in my itunes. Rachel. I wish we'd bonded even sooner than we did. We have so much in common. I can't wait to see you soon. You're such a free spirit.

I literally could go on, and on, and on, and on. And I haven't even started on my parents yet. Or my grandparents. Or my Aunts and Uncles. Or theatre people. Or netball people. Or camp people. Or HvZ people.

I just LOVE all of these people.

If I could put everyone together in a big house my life would be complete.

And of course, there's Jake. And I don't want to make this a big soppy love letter (because god know I send you enough of those) (its the drugs :P) but how that love sorted itself out into what this is, I'm not really sure. I'm learning so much from you but among a lot of things I'm learning how to be noble. And that is so exciting, and challenging and just....

uuugghh. I can't wait to see you.

Dear all. I'm not even going to apologise for this post. It is what it is: love.