Ready, Set, ARMY

Well, Well, Well.

Well.

So, I'm joining the Army.

I'll take a second to admit something which up until now I've shared with only a few people: the reality of this Army business absolutely terrifies me...but 6 months ago I was even more scared.

 So scared in fact that I ran away. 

Running away doesn't really come very easily to me. It's not often that I like to admit that something is a bit much for me or in this case, that I was consumed in a pant crapping state of fear. But I was.

I was scared of the prospect of 18 months of training, scared of going back to yet another institution just when it seemed I was finally reaching mature (?) adult-dom. I was scared of signing up for 6 years of a lifestyle more strict and more consuming than anything I've previously experienced. Scared of being in situations where I might question my morals and my strength. Scared mostly of losing myself in the brainwashing that I know is part of the job. I LIKED who I was then. I didn't want to be changed. The idea of it was just... wrong.

My running away also had the perfect cover story. There was this English boy I'd just met and I super dooper liked him. Excellent. What else am I known for if it's not a little bit of running across the world after boys?

So that was it. With the end of my masters approaching within the month I made a massive decision, e-mailed the Army asking to defer my enlistment for 6 months, and I took off across the globe....feeling very much like I'd had a stay of execution.

My first month in Wales was... absolute serendipity

My number one stress about arriving in the UK was finding somewhere to live, a close second was finding somewhere to work.
Within a week I had both.

I started out just visiting my friend Carrie Anne and during my first night at her house, one of her house mates mentioned that she was thinking of moving out but needed to find someone to take the room for 6 months.


Three days later I got a job interview at a bar called Rileys, and the manager told me,
"Tell me what hours you need, when and how often you need to work. I've been an exchange student living overseas before and I know that it needs to be about YOU. So you let me know what works for you".

I couldn't believe it.

Not only that but it turned out the English boy didn't really super dooper like me back all that much, but within a month I found someone else incredible in Wales who, it turns out, did.

The time that has passed between that first month and now has honestly been a blur. And I know that's a cliche but... it's true. I've tried to hold on to the major moments; the castles, the adventures, the friendships, the romance, the food, the drink (a LOT of drink)...










But while each and every one of these things has been fantastic, what I am going to remember most about Wales is how it has changed me into a person I didn't know I could become, a person I still really like, but a person who is now ready for the Army. And that honestly was the last thing I anticipated this forgotten little country (which I never even intended to come to) to teach me.

Ummmm, it's the Welsh flag... Duh

From working where I've worked, I've changed from someone who used to blush and seize up when men made lewd and suggestive comments, to someone who can hold my own and give back as good as I get. Not only that but I now have the courage and fortitude to tell them to stop and shut up. And they do.

I have learned what it is to live on minimum wage, to work full time and to truly know the value of money. I've learned that money makes good people do duplicitous things. I've become more streetwise, more savvy. While I still believe that all people are inherently good, I think I truly understand now how much money (or a lack of it) can push people into impossible situations.

I have truly learned what jealousy is, and what greed is. I'm lucky to have never fully encountered these before in my life, but fumbling to put the correct labels on these behaviours that I didn't understand was a really difficult and a harsh reality. I have learned how much a single £1 tip can change a persons evening for the better and that if you're generous it will come back to you tenfold. I've also learned that sometimes niceness is taken for weakness and that some people are just jerks, ...and there's nothing you can do about it.

I have learned the strength of my support system back home. Honestly, there was not one day that I did not have a message or e-mail from someone at home. So many skype calls made. So much encouragement, advice and appreciation received. So much genuine and heartfelt love and missing. 










And speaking of love. Not to get too soppy, but I've found a love which just...works. It's been the healthiest, happiest relationship of my entire life. My first non long distance relationship in fact, and that too has been a learning curve. Learning to balance myself and the rest of my life around this man who I am so continually drawn to hasn't always worked seamlessly.



I learned that I didn't need a tattoo to remind me to be myself and to stay true to the part of myself that I love...because amidst an absolute change of company, work, house and country... I was strong enough on my own to know I'm able to do that. And that was... SUCH a relief to realise.

So now? I have a life here that works. A life I've worked for. A life I like, surrounded by people I love in a country where I fit in, a country which I've never felt homesick in.
I'm in a position to stay. A huge part of me wants to stay. I'm so happy in fact that in a lot of ways leaving feels impossible.
And yet, the only thing more impossible than leaving...is staying.

I'm leaving to join the Army because I'm confident now that I want to, that I CAN, and still retain 'me'. Confident that this is where the momentum of my life is drawing me to and despite the fact that I'm doing something so very UN-Elyse and putting love behind my life plan...this is what I'm meant to be attempting at this point in my life. I'm playing the game with my head now instead of my heart, and I think that's something else I've grown into since being here.

I'm still scared. But y'know what? I'm sure everyone else coming into this July's enlistment is too. And I'm sure after our first week of bootcamp, after we've all been yelled at for not making our beds properly or having our boots shiny enough, we're all going to bond and get to know each other...and from there it's going to get a lot less scary and a lot more manageable. So here's to enjoying my last week and a half here and heading off into yet another adventure.

Ready, set, go!