Tough. Mudder.

So... I figured I should write about it, seeing as I spent so much of the past 6 months bitching and whinging about the death run I embarked on yesterday.

TOUGH MUDDER!!!!

Whooo biatch!

The event itself was... completely exhausting and crazy. Just to get into the starting pen you had to scale a little wall, just to PROVE that you were ready for this. Like being there and paying all that money to participate wasn't enough anyway. The MC started screaming at us.
"ARE YOU READY MUDDERS!!!???? MUDDERS DO NOT WHINE!!!! MUDDERS HELP EACH OTHER!!!! THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOUR FINISHING TIME... THIS IS JUST ABOUT FINISHING!!!!"

And lord was it ever.

I guess, as tribute to all the trolley pushing and shopping bag lifting I did prior to the event, the first 10kms were pretty okay. The obstacles were mildly challenging, but not too exhausting. For example, the ice baths: They were seriously, SERIOUSLY cold. But only went for about 5 meters, so the torture didn't last too long.

These girls faces capture the experience perfectly.

Extra Ice added!!

There were Berlin walls, which started at 9" high and I needed the help of Joseph to get over. These got increasingly difficult in the 2nd half of the course when you were completely mud drenched, exhausted, and the height was increased to 12". This is where I got the majority of my scrapes and bruises, and would NOT have been able to do this if I didn't have some of my favourite guys boosting me up as easily as a mother bird boosts chunks into its baby's mouth. (I realise that's a disgusting comparison, but in all honesty, there is no other way to describe the speed at which I was moving, and simultaneously describe what I looked like that that point)

Thin steps only on the front side of the wall

All mudded up

War wounds

There were many other elements. A fire run, net climb, carrying a huge log of wood for 1/4th of a mile,  a greased half pipe, electrocution, underground tunnels, a plank to dive off. It was pretty intense.


The two which particularly come to mind as the craziest, most frightening and exhausting are as follows:



1) The electric eel

Premise: Crawl 30 meters on your belly, through wires which are periodically going to zap you with up to 10 000 volts.

I'm pretty sure this woman's face accurately depicts how I felt about this challenge.

This entire obstacle would have been terrifying enough. But literally as we were just about to go through it, the guy in front of me started having spasms. He started jerking violently from side to side and was groaning like a bull in heat.

"HELP!" he started screaming... "HELP!!!"

Then he just stopped moving all together.


People started to notice and were crying out for someone to help him. Some dumb lady was like...
"DO YOU STILL WANT TO CONTINUE???"
and I was like
"WHAT THE HELL LADY! JUST GET HIM OUTTA THERE!"

So they got him out, and he was conscious when they did. So I assume he was okay. Everyone was standing there, just watching in shock and horror. Suddenly one guy goes...

"...THE ELECTRICITY'S NOT ON!!"

and there was pandemonium.

Everyone dived in at once, trying to get to the other side before the organisers realised what was happening. I knelt down and pushed myself through, managing to get really good speed and slide about halfway. in fact I went TOO fast and caught up to Josh's feet.
He wasn't moving fast enough...
"GO! JOSH! GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO"
It was the screams of a crazy person.
The first shock got me about half way through. It just felt like a dull thump. I relaxed, thinking, if that's all there was to it, I'd be fine. The second shock hurt. It made me levitate  off the ground for just a small instant. James was at the other end, pulling me out before I could get zapped again, but then as I turned to pull Shaun out from behind me a shock which he received passed through me and threw me on the ground.

Lesson learned: Electricity is not fun.

1) Mud Mile

Premise: Wade through mud trenches which stretch on for a mile

I weep because there is no words I can use which will ever be able to express to you just how much mud there was.
I mean... you go into these things thinking there is going to be lot of mud. But in reality

  YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA JUST HOW MUCH MUD THERE IS GOING TO BE.

You've gotta hand it to these organisers. They've done their research. They had mud of all different consistencies throughout the challenge which kept things interesting but for this one in particular, the mud was like glue. Legitimately. I was moving as fast as I possibly could yet could only watch in disbelief as my limbs were operating in extreme slow motion. 

So energy sapping, so exhausting. So much mud.

As Patrick aptly described: "Mud in every orifice".

You know what though? We had to get through it together. There is no way one person could have done it on their own. And THAT is what Tough Mudder is about. It's about camaraderie and selflessness. Donating the reserves of your energy to help someone else through. And even if your shirt is so full of mud that it looks like you have 4 boobs instead of 2, hey, no one is judging. You leave your dignity at the door and then just enjoy the experience for what it is. :)

Some extra pictures:

electric therapy

Fire run

Fuck. You.